Like an Arrow

It's not about 2020,

I'm pretty sure even if the Covid-19 didn't happen, this thing will still happen to me anyway.

Yeah,

It seemed months passed (or year?) since I first talked about my demotivation.

And dilemas, and all that stuff.

And that thing still happening to me until now.

I don't know when will it stop but one thing I know is that, I think i'm starting to accept it.

Maybe my "self" is trying to say something to me.

Maybe there is something I need to fix,

Maybe I just need a step back, to look at my back for a moment

...and re-arrange my plan and strategies for future.

I know right now I feel stuck, I can't move forward..

Like I said before, I still don't know why.

Maybe it seemed that i'm just writing non-sense stuff, maybe it's right.

But if I can write it bluntly then: I feel I'm lacking motivation to reach the stars.

Well, it's not really blunt i know i'm sorry, but what i mean by the star is... my dreams.

Yeah, that's it!

That's what this post is all about. 

It's about; i'm starting to lose my dreams and motivations.

And I feel like it happened because of a reason. I feel like.. well, I don't know, I need to re-arrange my dreams?

Something in me tells me that I need to just stop for a moment.

To take a step back.

To evaluate my life, my purpose, my value, things like that.

I know, i'm starting to questioning everything, and, I don't know, should I be happy about it..or not?

I feel like there is/(are?) big blurry question(s) in my heart..

Or is it just me being dramatic? haha

One thing that I can be sure about is: I don't know.

Yeah, i'm sure that I still don't know.

And actually at first I think i'm okay with just being stagnant-me, not going anywhere, not having a dreams and not trying things but---

When I see my friend, other people.. they tried. They shine. They try to reach their dreams. It sadden me.

It made me remembered my old self.

My full of dream self, like, my self that has a dream to continue study abroad, as far as I can.

And other dreams, i'm not sure.

And it made me wanting to get my dreams back, I wanted to try again, I wanted to fail, I wanted to success..

Which my present self has lost.

I keep remembering that maybe, now I'm in a phase when I'm like an arrow,

Taking a few step back, just to get further.. you know what I mean?

Yeah, and I remembered one of my Industry and Organization Psychology class's lesson that, taking a step back, is not always a bad thing. 

Just like the arrow metaphore I told before.

Yeah, maybe---

Maybe i'm in that situation.

I hope that I am able to go forward soon and

I hope that I didn't go back too far, 

If you pull back an arrow too far,

it will break the bowstring, won't it?


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