By Allah's Will

 Hello everyone!

How are you doing? I hope the moment you read this and the moment that follows it, you will be in happy and healthy.

So, in this post i wanted to pour out all of my thoughts and feelings these past few days.

First of all I wanted to deliver remarkable and unlimited gratitude to my Almighty God Allah SWT. that has been and always really kind to me and all of human beings. And help me to make one of my dream come true.

Okay, so this is the story guys.

Few days ago, on 13th June 2021 the result of Indonesian International Student Mobility Awards was announced at 10.30 pm. And fyi, few days before that day was the longest day of my life :"D after the interview stage, we, the applicants waited every second, every hour, everyday for the announcement because there was no exact date given by the IISMA Comittee. And even got mad sometimes because we were getting frustrated by the situations.. But however, I also know that the comittee might have been even more frustrated because their heavy work in a short period of time. Thank you so much for the hard work and dedication, dear IISMA 2021 Comittee, may God bless you with health and happiness <3 

And story short, when the applicants were busy chatting in the Telegram Group, one of them said the announcement has been released in our account! And with my shaking hand, i nervously opened the IISMA website to see it. Then this popped out!  

That's how the announcement look like. For a second, I felt everything is unreal. I can't believe what I saw. Then, I refreshed it again for one more time, and it still popped out like that. A few minutes later, I got the email from IISMA Comittee that says the announcement was released and we can check it in our account. And after seeing that, I was supeeeeeer shaking, cold-sweating and feeling like butterflies are flying in my stomach!!! Tears flowing in my face :"D seriously, THE EMOTION WAS SOOOOO TENSEE. 

The first person I told about this news was my older brother. He was doing online zoom with his friend at that time, but I couldn't wait to share this happiness with him. So I just came to him anyway and then I told him that I got accepted in this IISMA scholarship. I even jumped a few times when I told him this news, because I was trying to hold my tears. After that, my brother told me to tell this news to my mother, so I went upstairs but my mother was already sleeping.

So, I went to my younger brother's room, alone, and then I sobbed sooo hard. It feels like it was THE MOST DRAMATIC moment in my life! I was soo grateful and happy, I felt Allah SWT. answered and heard my prayer :""")))) I felt......... it's really hard to describe that amazing feelings :"D After crying so hard, and letting all my feelings out, I checked out the Telegram Group again to make sure that it wasn't a wrong announcment, or something error with the website. Some people in the Telegram Group said that they didn't receive the emai that I got, and some people said that we even can change the status (Nominated/Declined/Rejected) in the website by clicking different links!

So, I decided to not to be too happy at that time, because I also got the information that the next day, the comittee will send the names of the awardee to each university. But I couldn't resist, the hapiness was already blaring in my soul.

And at the next day, we got the PDF of the IISMA 2021 Awardee in my university from the International Office. And I was shaking again for the 2nd time when I saw my name in the list! But yeah, that time it wasn't as great as the first time.

SO, IN CONCLUSION...

Alhamdulillah, BY ALLAH'S WILLING, I was accepted and selected to be one the awardee of this program. 

And that was all this post about.

Since the announcement was released, some of my close friends, colleagues, lecturers, etc congratulated me for this. My close friends even knew this before I told them directly..... I was planning to tell them, but oh God, they were so much faster!😂

I wanted to talk about, how I was a little bit scared when people know about this news. There are various reasons for that. First, I was afraid that people will overestimate me. They will think i'm a genius-ambitious-english-master girl (lol is it even in the right order?) or sort of that. I just want to be seen as normal girl, normal Talidah who is only being Talidah, who loves going abroad, who loves international things... who is just an ordinary girl, as every girl. Hahahah I know I might be overthinking, but that's really what I thought. 

And also, most importantly, this achievement, I got, was surely Allah's work. I mean, i'm really nothing without His willingness😢 I can do that, I can passed the selection was surely because Allah helped me in everything. He is the one to be praised, not me😥 But it doesn't mean I would reject any felicitations to me. I was so happy indeed when people congratulates me, to be honest. And I know that they are only trying to say kind things to me, i'm happy for that. But sometimes, some people are saying things that lead to overestimating me. So, it kind of burden me a little bit.

But I know it's other people's rights to think what they want, to say what they want. And I can't control it.

This might also just me being overthinking :"D and exaggerating things. But yeah, and I also just trying to cope with my thoughts through this post..