Going with the flow

 Hi!

So, tomorrow inshaAllah I will start my first day for my 6th term in my university. Online learning again:)) honestly, I didn't find many difficulties with online learning itself. I love learning by myself! But one of the problems that appeared to me is: demotivation. Sometimes I really lack the motivation to do things at home. And honestly (again), I really miss Malang city now. I miss the city in which my university is. I miss my university friends. I miss feeling the "university student" vibes. I miss traveling. Meeting new people. Going to new places. Or even just having conversations with my own self, or getting new ideas while I'm in the transportation on the way to somewhere. I miss it. Even though I know very well how introverted I am... But I just realized that I really love the idea of being in new places when only a few people know me. That means I get the chance of meeting and get to know more new people right! I miss Malang. The weather in Malang. My campus. The library. The places when I can be alone and do my thing. 

But.. here I am now. In my hometown. Doing online learning again. And house chores. And babysitting my younger brother. Actually, I think I should be okay doing it, though it's not really difficult to do. But, i don't know why in the last few days, I felt really sad and distressed. It's really really uncomfortable. I think maybe it's the result of being only inside the house for too long...? But it's kind of weird because I know how introverted I am, so I should have been happy to stay inside my house. Hmm, but maybe I get past my limit of staying inside. or Idk, it's confusing.




I tried to talk to my parents that I want to go to Malang. But my mother didn't seem to be okay with my idea and she suggested I stay because I just got back from Ireland. And also she said Ramadhan and also Eid Al Fitr is also close so maybe I can go to Malang later after that. I feel kind of sad and disappointed at first, but then I thought many things. I know that I have 2 plans in my life now. Plan A: go to Malang. Plan B: stay in my hometown. For plan A, I already have some pictures in my mind of what I will do if that happens. And of course, this plan A is the thing that I want. But for the plan B, well, at first I don't know what to do. Because I really hope I get the plan A. But after I get the answers from my parents, I decided to make some kind of goals and to-do lists, in order to deal with my stress and boredom of online learning and staying at home. 

So, yeah.. even though I was sad and disappointed at first, then I thought the thought that I usually thought, which is: what if this is the best for me now? so, I pick myself up and make my plan. And I hope I can still keep or even gain more this motivation inside of me to do my lists to spend the time well in my hometown. I also want to be helpful and useful to my family while I'm here in my hometown. Even though I might never seem to say it or show it bluntly, my family is number one for me:) 

Oh, I almost forgot that the reason that I want to make this post is this: I know by going along with this plan (Plan B), I will miss the chance to travel and go to new places. I even feel sad and kind of envy when I see my friend's "meet-up"/travel stories/statuses on social media. Aren't you feel sad too, when your friends can meet up, but you can't? But the more I think about it, I think that's okay for me now. As the positive Covid-19 cases are still increasing too. I might not have that chance now because I'm in my hometown but I think there are still other opportunities that I still have. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another door opens. I think it's time for me to learn more (online), read more, and help my family more. The thing is, I always believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe that there is always something good in everything! And insyaaAllah, bismillah, I will find or make that good things I can get even though I'm just learning online and staying at home.

So, here's for more days of me maximizing and doing my best at my home in my hometown!! <3

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